he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
