no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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