If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
