So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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