I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
