tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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