I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
