You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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