Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
