oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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