I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize