If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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