Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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