so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
