i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
