I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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