I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
