I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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