The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
