Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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