I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this just has baby written all over it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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