; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
