i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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