OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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