Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
