that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
