Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I will die if light touches me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
