So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
