I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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