Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
