I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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