Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize