Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
