i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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