ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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