I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
