i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
