I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
