the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
