We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
