Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
