Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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