break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
