she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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