I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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