I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
