you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
