hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
