I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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