Will you blow on my dice?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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