Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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