Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my sisters under your porch take her home
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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