All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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