Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
