you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
