Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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