grandma shit on top of the toilet
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
