see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish i was in the wii world.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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