yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
