she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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