Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
