home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
