I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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